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Counsel Me This, Captain Smooshy

Posted on Dec 20, 2019 @ 4:53am by Iphigenia Bonviva
Edited on on Dec 20, 2019 @ 4:54am

Mission: Last Days of Empire

“Counsel Me This, Captain Smooshy”

(cont’d from Alix’s "Hello, is it me you're looking for?")


When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.
- Fred Rogers


Scene: Counseling Center

“I don’t need no stinkin’ Counseling session, Dahlia”

Dahlia Alix Bonviva-McInnis rolled her golden eyes at that as she frog-marched her younger brother into the Counseling Center. “Double negative. So you mean you do need a Counseling session,” she commanded with the wisdom of a 13 year old.

Benito William Bonviva-Crichton tried to get out of the pin his sister had on his arms, but at 9 years old he lacked the strength. Instead he tried his hand at logic but clearly he and his sister were in different universes for logic. Still it had to be better than a Counseling Session… “Dee, I am *fine*.”

“You’re in denial.”

“I’m in the PHOENIX,” Ben quipped. Grinning up at his sister, which was not as much of a height difference as he knew his sister would have liked he said, “Hah! Made you laugh.”

Dahlia just gave a haughty look of derision down. “I didn’t even smirk.” Walking into the Counseling Center she looked around and saw a Trill Counselor. “Lieutenant…?”

Owen Arion turned around and saw the children of Commander Crichton standing there. “Hi. I’m Lt. Arion. Can I help you?”

“My brother needs a Counseling session,” Dahlia explained with a smile that she was used to using on adults to get her way.

Ben, using the moment to wiggle his way (literally) out of his sister’s grip, saw his way out of this mess. “I see a Counselor!”

“I am a trained Counselor,” Owen pointed out.

“Nope someone who outranks you,” Ben said as he dashed past Dahlia (who was now yelling to get back there) and past Lt. Arion (who was pointing out that he was a trained Counselor) and scooped up Captain Smooshy and dove into a Counselor’s Room. Looking around he tapped the “Counseling Session” button on the wall so they wouldn’t be disturbed.

The rotund pug, with a Starfleet uniform (complete with pips), trotted over to the sofa and jumped up. Wiggling his butt (trying to wiggle his curly-q tail would have been difficult), Captain Smooshy all but invited Ben to sit next to him; which the young boy happily did. After several minutes of ear-scratching and belly rubs, the young Bolian/Human boy lay down on the sofa as the dog snuggled up to him. “I’m fine, right, Captain Smooshy? I’m just here to give belly rubs, right?”

Captain Smooshy just burrowed his head further on Ben’s skinny chest as his dark eyes looked at Ben’s light eyes. “You’re completely right, Captain Smooshy, I should sit here and talk about my problems.” Waving his hands in the air he started, “It all began when I was born--”


Scene: The Vulgar Tribble

“Explain to me again why this is my problem Owen.”

Owen Arion was almost ready to pull out his beautiful, neatly coiffed hair. “They are your niece and nephew.”

“That’s very racist of you to presume that just because we have 2 children here of Bolian descent and I’m of Bolian descent that we’re related,” Iphie sniffed.

Owen looked at Iphie. “I looked up their profiles. You’re listed as their Aunt.”

“Damn it,” Iphie muttered. Rubbing her face with both hands she confessed from behind the bar. “Okay...technically I’m related to them.”


“I’m their mother’s sister.”

“So you are their aunt.”

“If you want to put a title on it.” Removing her hands from her face Iphie grinned, “I always prefered ‘Bad Habit Enabler’. Sounds so much more irresponsible.” As Owen glared at her Iphie picked up a rag as she wiped down the bar, “Lay it on me, Spiffy, what did the anklebiters do?”

“Well your niece--”

“The one here is called Dahlia. I got another niece, Erika. And another nephew, Gavi, besides the one here, who is Ben. Pay attention there’s a quiz later,” she said. When Owen looked at her, the chef/barkeep said, “Look if my sister made me take a quiz, then I make everyone else take a quiz.”

Owen just sighed at that. “I’m not taking a quiz,” he replied.

“Yes you are,” Iphie parried. “And it’s not open book. Now continue on.”

The Counselor sighed. “So Dahlia decided Ben needed a Counseling session.”

Iphie put down the rag and tapped her lips with a finger. “I think it has to do with Ben’s unnatural love of edamame. That or his inability to let go of the dream that his parents will get back together. You’ve got a 50/50 shot on why Ben needs counseling.” Shrugging her shoulders Iphie became serious, “So one of the kids dragged another to a Counseling session. Uhm...job security? Isn’t this good?”

Owen sighed. “Putting aside my own career. I would need parental consent.”

“Crichton. Executive Officer. Your boss’ boss. Usually hip-to-hip with Cap’n Homie. Thank you for visiting The Vulgar Tribble, have a nice day,” Iphie replied.

“Your niece just disappeared,” Owen continued on. “Before I could explain that I needed consent--”

“Well with this attitude I don’t blame her,” Iphie explained.

“And Ben disappeared into one of the Counseling rooms with Captain Smooshy.”

Iphie paused for a moment before leaning in on the bar. “Are you telling me you left a 9 year old in the Counseling Center. *Alone*. With a *pug* for a chaperone?” When there was silence that greeted her at the bar the Bolian/Human continued on. “Think carefully, Spiffy, before answering.”

Owen blinked at Iphie several times before finally saying. “The Counseling light outside the room came on...and I’m not allowed to disturb anyone in the room when the light comes on…”

“Even when it’s a 9 year old and a PUG,” Iphie yelled. “Sweet baby Kahless on a pogo stick! I mean I’m not Cap’n Homie but even I am developing a wrinkle over this!”

The Counselor looked over at Iphie. “Look, I’m a Counselor, Iphie. Not a babysitter. Kids make me nervous.”

“Common sense makes you nervous,” Iphie muttered. First, she yelled over her shoulder to Calvin and Hobbes to watch The Vulgar Tribble, then the chef/barkeep flung off her apron and went marching out as she muttered, “I *hate* when I have to be the responsible one.”


Scene: Counseling Center

Iphie went stomping into The Counseling Center (her extra high black boots helped with the aforementioned stomping) and yelled, “BEN! Get your bony butt out here!”

Ben Bonviva-Crichton poked his head out of a door with Captain Smooshy doing the same. “Aunt Iphie!” he grinned.

“Don’t “Aunt Iphie” me,” she said.

“What am I supposed to call you?” he asked with a grin.

The azure woman glared at her nephew. “You know what you did?”

Ben held up his hands in a “don’t shoot” position. “Going to Counseling is good,” he pointed out. “I went with the highest ranking Counselor here. That has to count for something.”

“You deliberately ducked a trained person--”

“For the coolest, highest ranking Counselor here,” Ben pointed out. “I think you’re missing the point.”

Iphie glared. “I think you’re missing the point of washing all my tables.” Groaning she said, “And why am I being responsible? No, this is just wrong.” Waving him along she said, “Let’s go.” As Smooshy went to follow Iphie gave the pug a look, “You did enough for one day.”

As the aunt and nephew went to leave, they walked into Dahlia who suddenly appeared in the doorway. “And where have you been?”

“On the ship the entire time,” the teenager replied.

“What the frickin’ heck kind of answer is that,” Iphie muttered. “Come on, let’s go. You may be able to duck Spiffy but you’re not ducking me.”

Ben just looked at his sister as they walked out, for some reason doubting what sounded like a perfectly logical if sarcastic answer.


NRPG: Just a little reminder of life on the fringe….

And why Dahlia gave such a weird answer I’ll eventually get to :)

Shawn and Susan: Hope you’re both ok with me using the characters like this!


Sarah Albertini-Bond
Chef Iphie Bonviva


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