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Recipe Exchange

Posted on Jul 07, 2017 @ 4:04am by Iphigenia Bonviva
Edited on on Jul 07, 2017 @ 4:04am

Mission: The Romulan Way

“Recipe Exchange”



Scene: The Vulgar Tribble

“Look I’m not saying you didn’t do a wonderful job as the secret taste tester for the diplomatic dinner,” Iphie explained as she sat across from her secret accomplice.

The figure across from her gave a very undignified *huff* and looked out the window of the Vulgar Tribble.

“Hey, do I ignore you? Look at me,” the chef/bartender demanded tapping her fingers on the table until she got the attention she desired. Once the dark large eyes looked back at the cerulean woman sighed. “I get it. I do. You want more.”

The other occupant at the table flipped his head to the side as if he was insulted by the suggestion.

Iphie sighed, and finger-combed her blonde and pink locks. “I’m sorry we should have this conversation...well a long time ago,” she admitted softly looking down. “It was just so easy to believe to let things go know as they were.” The chef didn’t hear a verbal response but she could feel that she had the attention she needed so continued on, “Look...I know it wasn’t right that I kept using you. But you have to understand; new kitchen, new customers...there was a *lot* of stress. No one wants stressful food. People can taste that kind of shit.”

A low sound, not quite a growl, but a sound of displeasure came out. “Sorry, I forgot you don’t like bad language,” Iphie apologized. There was a pause in conversation as next steps were figured out and the view was contemplated. “Ok, this is what I can offer,” the chef said. “I will continue to offer you first shot at the menu, you continue to offer your feedback. Full privileges as an associate partner of The Vulgar Tribble. Deal?” When she heard nothing the chef sighed and leaned back, “I’ll take silence as acquiescence.”

Signaling for Calvin and Hobbes to come over with a plate of food and bowl of water, Iphie stood and bowed to the four-legged occupant of the table she had been talking to, “Captain Smooshy, pleasure negotiating.”


TI: After Shawn’s post ("All's Fair in Love and Espionage")

Arak walked into The Vulgar Tribble and looked around. He saw the Bynares who were the fixture of the lounge, having ditched their “man-buns” now in favor of sweeping their cords back in a highly sweeping motion on top of their head and putting some kind of paint on the sides of their head to almost appear as if it was shaved.

“Pompador -- poopadoo -- I don’t care what you call it, just make sure it doesn’t get in the way!” Iphie yelled at Calvin and Hobbes as she shooed them off. Iphie, seeing the Aamazzarite come in walked over and grinned, “Hey what’s up?”

“You were in the Arboretum again,” the CSciO sighed.

The chef grinned at that as she got a glass of water for the Science officer. “It’s where the deka leaves are.”

“You mean the deka plant treated with reliez spores?”

Iphie paused for a moment. “Blanching them won’t--”

“Not in the slightest.”

“I knew that I was just doing my own experiments, Baron Broccoli” the chef said as she scurried back to the kitchen.

“What?” Arak said.

Some loud clanging followed, then the low whirl of the waste replicator. Even with that clatter Iphie yelled back, “Your nickname. You oversee the veggies and plants. You’re not as high as Cap’n Homie, so you’re a Baron. Baron Brocoli.”

After a minute or two, the orange and blonde haired chef bounced out, “Well that was a close one. And thanks for not siccing the the Avenging Veggie--”

“Who?” Arak asked.

“Nice officer, I actually like her, she’s a vegetarian. Comes in and orders pasta with vegetables during the shift change,” Iphie explained. When Arak looked blankly at her she said further, “I think she’s head of Security.”

“Lieutenant Jasmine Yu,” the Aaamazzarite sighed.

Iphie gave a look. “I *said* that.”

“And Lt. Yu--”

“Avenging Veggie--”

“--is on the Away Mission.” When Iphie blinked at that Arak sighed and clarified. “She went with our delegation to meet the Romulans.”

Iphie’s face fell, as she forgot about her own quest to illegally obtain food from the Arboreteum. “How does one get on one of those?”

Arak gave her a puzzled look. “Well I’m not sure I understand.”

The Bolian/Human chef climbed over the bar and sat across from Arak. “Who do I need to send food to get over to Romulus? Tell me. I know most of this ship’s favorite foods, I’ll convince them. But I need to go to Romulus.”

Arak tilted his head to the side as if Iphie had become an intriguing experiment gone awry. “Why?”

“I like Romulans,” Iphie grinned.

The Science officer nodded his head before slowly shaking it. “Yeah...wait no, not seeing it. Can you explain? Is it the idolisation of war? The secret police?”

“They’re really good tippers,” Iphie said. “Aaa-mazing food. And dude, can they keep a secret, which is why no one has been able to get an accurate recipe of hlai'vnau roast. I mean any idiot in their first quarter of culinary school can make viinerine but just think what I could do with a few minutes with them. Think of what I could do -- a few minutes, me and my pots and burner and some fresh ingredients.”

Arak frowned for a moment, “I don’t know why you need to *go* to Romulus. I mean they’re already going to get your recipes. Maybe you could set up a recipe exchange.”

“Well that makes sense...WAIT A MINUTE!” Iphie yelped as it dawned on her. Grabbing the Science Officer’s shoulders she said, “What do you mean they’re already going to get my recipes? When did this happen?”


NRPG: Two more nicknames down (Arak = Baron Broccoli and Jasmine = Avenging Veggie) and I contributed to the mission! But I know you’re all on the edge of your seat to figure out what Iphie will do now that she knows her recipes are being flung carelessly into space. Well you’ll all have to wait ;-)

And yes...Iphie really does like the Romulans. So if anyone wants to have fun with that -- go ahead!


Sarah Albertini-Bond

~writing for~

Chef Iphie Bonviva


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