Once More, With Feeling
Posted on Dec 22, 2016 @ 7:42am by Commander Jacob Crichton
Edited on on Dec 22, 2016 @ 7:43am
Mission: Aftermath
= Once More, With Feeling =
(cont’d from “Baton Pass”)
LOCATION: San Francisco, EARTH
SCENE: Apartment
STARDATE: [2.16] 1221.2214
Jake Crichton hesitated at the door to Cindy Rochemonte’s apartment. He remembered the last time he’d disturbed her at home - when he’d delivered the news of Paris’ destruction - and it was an experience he wasn’t in a great hurry to repeat. His reason for visiting now wasn’t so grim, but Jake hadn’t seen Cindy since the immediate aftermath of the Siege of Earth, and he didn’t know how well she had fared in the weeks that had followed. He’d followed the news closely enough to know that she’d been released from custody, but he didn’t have any more details than that. For all he knew, Cindy was still in deep mourning for her family and her home; the last thing she might want right now was a reminder of what had been taken away from her.
Jake had nearly made up his mind to leave when he heard footfalls coming up the hallway behind him. He turned, and saw Cindy approaching, carrying a small bag of fresh produce. She stopped when she saw him, and for a moment Jake expected her face to brighten, the way it always used to whenever they crossed paths. But her expression didn’t change; she looked confused, and even a little suspicious.
“Jake?” she said.
“Specs,” Jake said.
Cindy let the nickname pass without comment. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, you know. Heard you’d moved into the neighborhood. Thought it might be nice to see a familiar face.”
Cindy’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “That’s all?”
“Yeah… why? What did you think I was here for you?”
“I thought you might…” she started, then seemed to reconsider. She shook her head, forced an unconvincing smile, and approached. Jake stepped aside so she could open the door to her apartment. “I’m sorry. It’s wonderful to see you, Jake, of course.”
“Likewise. I’m glad to see they’re not keeping you locked up in some cell.”
“With everything happening in the Federation now, it seems like Starfleet’s JAG is in no hurry to stir up any more reminders of Neo-Essentialist activity than they need to,” Cindy shrugged. “It seems that includes prosecuting the person who killed their leader.”
“I don’t think there’s a jury on this planet that would convict you,” Jake said quietly.
“Probably not,” Cindy said. “You wouldn’t have killed him, would you?”
“If he’d destroyed my home, murdered my family?” Jake asked. “I don’t know.”
Cindy laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You’re really too good to be true, aren’t you?”
“Only way I know how to be.”
CIndy didn’t look comfortable, but it was not the disarming awkwardness with which she once carried herself. Now, she looked like she wanted to be left alone, but a combination of social norms and the shadow of their friendship kept her from asking for it. She glanced into her apartment, then to Jake.
“I suppose I should invite you in.”
**Not technically an invitation,** Jake noted.
“I don’t want to bother you, if you’re busy.”
“No, it’s fine. I was just getting some things for dinner.”
She stepped in, not exactly inviting Jake to follow, but not closing the door behind her either. Jake hesitated another moment, then took a few tentative steps inside before stopping just inside the door. Cindy’s apartment was sparsely furnished, with none of the warmth or personality of her quarters aboard the PHOENIX. Featureless walls, no paintings or other artwork, and only essential pieces of furniture, including a small table with only one chair tucked underneath it. Whatever else she’d been doing, Cindy Rochemonte had not been entertaining guests.
“You can come in,” Cindy said, without looking back at him, as she placed the sack of produce on her kitchen counter. Jake took another few steps forward, until he found himself standing awkwardly in the middle of what passed for her living room. There was no couch, only a single chair, facing away from the window.
“Please, sit,” said Cindy, almost robotically. Jake didn’t sit. He looked up, and saw that Cindy was lingering in the kitchen, with the counter between them, separating them. She was watching him with that same suspicious look, as though she didn’t credit his intentions for being here. Jake guessed that Cindy thought he’d come to lecture her for her weakness, for giving into her anger and murdering Edgerton rather than letting him face justice. In that moment, Jake had a flash of insight into how his crewmates must have seen him: an officious, high-minded nanny, someone so obsessed with the Federation ideal that he didn’t realize he was letting his own family slip through his fingers, exactly the kind of person Alexander Towers would want as a walking, talking posterboy for the squeaky-clean image Starfleet wanted to project, the sort of officer who might wrinkle his uniform in the performance of his duties but who’d always show up the next day looking clean, pressed, and ready to let everyone know how far short they’d fallen of his expectations.
It didn’t feel good.
In truth, Cindy needn’t have worried. For one thing, Jake was of the opinion that it was Selyara, not Cindy, who bore most of the blame for the destruction of Richard Edgerton. Cindy had killed the admiral’s body, but Selyara had blasted away his mind. For another, Jake thought the universe was a measurably better place with Richard Edgerton puttering about in it. He believed in justice and Federation law, but he also believed those two things didn’t always necessarily overlap.
“So,” Jake said, hoping to kill the cold front hanging in the air between them. “How have you been doing?”
“As well as can be expected, I guess. It hasn’t been easy.”
“No, I guess it hasn’t.”
“Still, this is better than a prison cell,” Cindy said, looking around. “I can’t complain.”
“Nobody’s going to throw you in prison for shooting a mass-murderer,” Jake said. “Once the political situation has cooled down, I’m sure they’ll offer you your commission back and--”
“I’ve resigned my commission,” Cindy said.
“What?”
“I’ve resigned my commission,” she repeated. “I’m leaving Starfleet.”
“Why?”
Cindy let out a long, slow breath. “Is this what you came here to talk to me about?”
Jake shook his head, “No, I just thought it would be nice to--”
“Because they’ve already tried to talk me out of it, Jake, and I’m not changing my mind.”
“I didn’t know,” Jake said. “What do you mean ‘they’?”
“Command,” Cindy said, making a vague, dismissive gesture in the air. “They were even talking about giving me a position back aboard the PHOENIX. That commandant, Towers, even floated the idea that I might make a good Chief Engineer, something about wanting continuity as Starfleet transitions into the new political climate.”
“That sounds like Towers.”
“It made me sick,” Cindy said. “All of them, the top brass, the politicians, rushing around trying to put everything back the way it was before this whole Neo-Essentialist mess. It’s, it’s… *bullshit*, Jake. Things won’t ever be the same after this, not with what Edgerton did. And I’m not going to help you all sweep it back under the rug.”
Jake felt the accusation in her words like the blade of a knife sinking between his shoulderblades. “You think I’m here to talk you into staying with the fleet?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Specs,” Jake said. “I haven’t heard any of this. I promise.”
Cindy searched his face for a moment, then finally seemed to relax a little. “Really?”
“Really,” Jake nodded. “You think I would do that to you? Try to manipulate you for them?”
“I don’t know,” Cindy sighed. “Things aren’t the same now, Jake. I never thought the Federation I’d sworn an oath to defend would stand by and let some… some… *creature* like Edgerton tear its heart out. But they did. Billions of people, either too stupid or too afraid to see what was right in front of them. After that, I don’t know what’s left, but I know I won’t find it in Starfleet.”
“I understand.”
“I’m sorry,” Cindy said, and suddenly her voice was shaking, like she was on the verge of tears. “I know it isn’t your fault, and I want to believe that you’re really my friend, but I just… I can’t--”
“It’s okay,” Jake said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll go.”
He turned to leave. Cindy waited until he’d nearly reached the door before stopping him.
“If you’re not here to talk me into coming back,” she said, “then what did you come for?”
Jake turned to look at her. “Oh, no, really, it’s nothing.”
“I’d heard you’d gone to BOLARUS,” Cindy said, “I’m glad you found your wife.”
“Me too,” Jake said. “She’s… we’re kind of going through some things, but it’s a relief to know she’s safe.”
“Is that what this is about?”
“No,” Jake said. “Look, it’s… not something you’re going to want to hear right now. I was stupid to come, I wasn’t thinking.” He turned to leave once more, and once more, Cindy stopped him.
“You were looking for your assistant,” she said. “I’m leaving Starfleet, Jake, but I’ll always help you if I can.”
Jake’s lips slowly spread into a wistful smile. “You were never my assistant.”
“It was literally part of my job description.” A flicker of that old warmth had returned to her voice as she spoke. “Spill, Jake. After everything you’ve done for me, it’s the least I can do.”
Jake took a few tentative steps back towards the living room. “Towers came by to see me too.”
“To offer you the Chief Engineering job on the PHOENIX?” Cindy asked.
Jake shook his head. “No. Not the CEO spot. ExO.”
“First officer?” Cindy’s eyes widened. “That’s… well, Jake, that’s wonderful! Isn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Jake said. “I love Starfleet, even after everything that’s happened. More than that, I feel a duty to it. Now Towers is telling me that’s where they need me, that’s the job they need done, but… hell, Specs, all those months working together on the PHOENIX, and I’ve used your real name maybe ten times? I’m not command material.”
Cindy smiled. “You’re an unconventional choice, I agree.”
“I know I did some time as second officer, but this is something else,” Jake continued . “I’m supposed to represent the ship in the captain’s absence, lead away missions, give performance reviews and promotion recommendations… I have to constantly support *and* second-guess every decision my captain makes…”
“You’ve done all of that,” Cindy shrugged. “How many times did Kane point us - point *you* - at a problem and then step out of your way?”
“That was different,” Jake said. “I had a team.”
“And you will again. Not just engineers - there’ll be security staff, ops officers, doctors and counsellors and who the hell knows what else - but they’ll be a team. *Your* team.”
“The captain’s team,” Jake corrected. “I stand around reminding the captain what Starfleet regulations he’s violating while everyone around me is busy doing the real work.”
“You’re the crew’s advocate,” Cindy said. She’d finally emerged from behind the low countertop, but hadn’t quite left the kitchen altogether, having coming to a stop to lean against the wall just outside the living room. “The captain gives the orders, but the ExO is the one who gets people moving. You know what your people are capable of and you know where and how to push them. I can’t think of anybody who could have held that engine room together better than you did. Now you have the opportunity to do that on a larger scale.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe,” Cindy repeated, sounding halfway to contempt. “T'es rien qu'un connard.”
“No Universal Translator in here, Specs.”
“I said you’re an asshole.”
Jake blinked. “Oh.”
“What is it you’re worried about? That you can’t be everyone’s buddy *and* their boss?”
“That’s not--”
“Because the galaxy doesn’t have time for that anymore,” Cindy continued. “You think the jokes and the nicknames are why we all fell in line? No. It’s because we always knew we could count on you. It’s because when we looked up, we saw you there working right next to us. You lead from the front, and *that’s* what you do. Nevermind everything you know about warp theory or starship design; you *lead*, Jake. You wear your heart and your principles on your sleeve and you stand by them, and you don’t back down. You’re exactly the kind of person who should be standing on the bridge, and starching your dress uniform isn’t going to change that.”
Cindy took another few steps forward, into the living room, so that she could look Jake more fully in the eye.
“You have this idea of yourself as the fun boss,” she said. “You don’t need it.”
Jake looked at her, thinking that for the first time he might really be *seeing* her. His relationship with Cindy Rochemonte had always been friendly, but it had also been curated; he’d recognized her infatuation with him early on, and had taken steps to maintain professional distance. While Jake had come to hold her in high professional regard, her “crush” on him had never been that far from his mind, and it had influenced his opinion of her right from the start. But now she stood before him, not lovesick but *wounded*, grieving… and still standing. Cindy Rochemonte’s life had been shattered, more profoundly than Jake would ever understand, and in the wake of such a tragedy she had no more use for self-delusion or self-doubt. With those affectations set aside, what remained was the essential Her, a streak of cold strength that would endure anything the universe saw fit to throw at it. Not without tears, perhaps, but certainly without breaking.
“Thank you,” he said. “Cindy.”
Her tired eyes shone, if only for a moment. “Anything for you, sir.”
=[/\]=
ATTN: JACOB CRICHTON, COMMANDER
RE: EXECUTIVE OFFICER COMMISSION - USS PHOENIX, NX-5199
COMMANDER - Your orders are to report to CAPTAIN MICHAEL KANE aboard the USS PHOENIX at your earliest convenience, where you will assume the duties of EXECUTIVE OFFICER until further notice. STARFLEET COMMAND thanks you for your continued service in these trying times. Congratulations, COMMANDER CRICHTON.
=[/\]=
NRPG: Sorry for the handwave through the holodeck scenario, but we’re running up against the deadline AND the holiday season, and I honestly can’t think of anything to do there other than tick off “command character” boxes and I’m not confident I could turn out a satisfying post in time. Anyway, I think most of the work is really just talking Jake into it, so this will have to do.
But! As must be obvious by now, I will graciously be accepting the role of Executive Officer as we forge ahead into the New Year! I know I’m not so easily accessible given that I still refuse to download Facebook Messenger (that’s the hill I die on, folks), but as always, I’m generally pretty available by email if there’s something you need to discuss, and I will be happy to set aside time at my computer to talk on Facebook if it’s something you need to hash out in a conversation rather than through email. I like the informality that our relatively small size has afforded us over the last 2 years - Jake’s getting a promotion, but Shawn’s still just playing the game with the rest of you - so please don’t hesitate if you have concerns or ideas or questions or just want me to go beat up Jerome (which I could totally do).
Looking forward to the coming months, everyone!
Shawn Putnam
A.k.a.
Jake Crichton
Executive Officer
USS PHOENIX
