Enemas, Cows, Suicidal mission

Posted on Jul 18, 2014 @ 1:40pm by Phia
Edited on on Jul 18, 2014 @ 1:49pm

Mission: The Tangled Webs We Weave
Location: USS ARMSTRONG

=/\=

Location: USS ARMSTRONG

Scene: Shuttlebay


“Oh hello Lieutenant Suicidal Mess,” Phia called out as she walked down into the Shuttlebay.


One of the engineers who was messing about stuck his head out. “Who are you looking for?”


Momentarily stunned, the Bolian/Vulcan stared down the Deltan officer who slid out from a runabout. “How many suicidal messes are there down here?”


“You haven’t been on the ARMSTRONG long, have you?” the engineer sighed.


She was almost impressed; sadly she was on a mission. Raising an eyebrow the CNS stated, “The suicidal mess about to go on a mission.”


The engineer pointed over to his right, “Two rows over.”


Sylvia Warren shook her head as she heard the click of the Counselor’s boots on the floor. “What do you want?” she gritted out.


“You are going out on a suicidal mission of your own choosing,” Phia explained as she got closer, “I have a responsibility to see if you’re in your right mind.”


Sylvia glared at her before going back to work. “I’ve gone out on other dangerous missions, deadly missions. No other Counselor ever came to check on me.”


“Don’t ever compare me to some other inferior Counselor again,” Phia snapped. “I do my job and I do it *well*. Others may like you but they couldn’t do their job to save your life. I may not give a shit about you as a person, but that doesn’t mean I want to see you die. There is a difference and if you can’t see that then this psych eval is over a lot quicker than even I was anticipating.”


With that Phia moved to sitting in the open shuttlebay doorway and held up a PADD. “Now shall we?” she asked.


=/\=

TI: Eight minutes later


“What do you mean that’s not a reason?!” Sylvia yelled. Grumbling she checked the gauss gradient unit, and not seeing the output she wanted she stuck her pretty head she threw down the hyperspanner. She and the Counselor had been going round and round over this. “Being in love with Thomas is the perfect reason why I should go.”


“It’s the absolutely wrong reason why *you* should be going,” Phia replied. “Let’s review, when people fall into this emotion that we colloquially refer to as love--”


“Only you make it sound like an enema,” Sylvia replied as she went digging for an auditor.


“The brain releases dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine; euphoria lights up in your brain while sending signals to your heart to increase blood flow, or that palpitation most humanoids find enjoyable. As this is happening, serotonin is lowered in your brain. Know what else follows this pattern? Obsessive-compulsive people. People in love and obsessive-compulsive people have similar MRI readings.”


“But-but-but that’s only for the newly in love, we’re not that. It’s been years and I still feel this way,” Sylvia protested.


“Again, because you’re sleeping with him. Sex can act like a fast-forward button in a holovid or a pause button,” the Bolian/Vulcan pointed out. Putting down the PADD she rubbed her leg. Frowning she looked down; her leg looked fine but she was feeling occasional shooting pains. Noticing the way the other woman was avoiding her, the Counselor ignored her leg and barked, “What’s your problem?”


“Nothing,” Sylvia said quickly.


“Ok, don’t go. Make my job easier,” Phia replied.


As she got up, Syliva blurted out. “We haven’t slept together!”


Well that Phia to stop short; she really thought nothing was going to surprise her. “Well you really are an idiot if you’re doing this if you don’t know what you’re getting out if it.”


=/\=

TI: Seven minutes after that


Sylvia was shaking her head; she was *this* close to losing her temper. “It’s an argument that’s been around for eons.”


“Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? That’s what we’re at now? At least give me a challenge,” Phia argued. She was back to sitting down. Damn it, her leg hurt her, but she still had to drill some sense into this crazy woman. “Let’s start with the obvious - in this analogy *you* are a *cow*. It’s not even an intelligent animal by any stretch of the imagination. And out of this situation you want what? Marriage? Sure like that’s some kind of “deal”. So the man is paying the woman or her previous owners for the right to sexual relations.”


“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation in the Shuttle Bay,” Sylvia muttered as she swung around to the other set of nacelles.


“You started it,” Phia replied.


“No I didn’t,” Sylvia replied.


“You did when you said you were going on this quixotic quest,” Phia replied. “But let’s keep going with this cow thing, I think you’re onto something. Now in your little analogy, the woman is giving away the “milk” which is sex. Now, you’re presuming that that sexual relations with you is something the man wants and is willing to pay for. Ah, but without having had it yet, you don’t know. Now I could give a shit about Thomas, because this isn’t his eval, but you may care since you’re the one with the increased dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine.”


Sylvia said nothing as some sparks flew while she wielded some plate to the front of the shuttle while Phia continued on while rubbing her knee. “Now for our cow -- excuse me the woman -- sex is nothing; is not anything that benefits her; just like the cow’s milk doesn’t benefit her either. It benefits someone else.”


Phia paused for a moment before saying, “Now I’m going to tell you, when done right, sex most definitely benefits all consenting parties; which is why your argument is crap and why I know you don’t know what you’re talking about.”


Shrugging she continued on, “But I’m having fun so let’s keep going -- “


“I hate you,” Sylvia muttered.


“Thus, the woman (or her owners) should try to extract the highest price from the man in exchange for the sex. And thus sex before getting married is the ultimate way to "give it up" without any "remuneration." Your exalted “love” is never mentioned, or referred to or implied, in your analogy, “ Phia pointed out. “Yes, I can see why when you were a little girl you sat there and said, “I hope one day a man buys me a diamond and a house. Better yet, I hope he pays my parents for the right to spread my legs.” Because when you buy the cow, you don’t give the money to the cow, you give it to the farmers who own the cow.”


Sylvia threw down her tools. “I’m done here.”


Phia nodded. “Me too.” Tapping her commbadge she said, “Phia to Bridge.”


[[Jos here,]] the Andorian officer replied. [[What is it Phia? Are you done with your eval? We only have a few minutes left--]]


“Yes, and Lt. Warren isn’t going. I am,” Lt. Phia replied. “I’m not clearing her for duty. She can’t think clearly.”


“She’s in pain,” Lt. Warren yelled.


Phia rolled her gray eyes. “It’s a leg cramp. It’s not the same as suicidal,” she glared. “Unlike some others I have the training to do a suicidal mission and not the inclination to die.”