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Bad Food, Good Company

Posted on Mar 18, 2018 @ 7:47pm by Captain Kassandra Thytos
Edited on on Mar 18, 2018 @ 7:48pm

Mission: The Trouble With Triticale

"Bad food, good company"

(cont. Arrivals and Departures)

* * * =(/\)=* * *

Location: The USS PHOENIX
Stardate: 2.18.0318.1529
Scene: The Vulgar Tribble

“Come on, Kass! Help a girl out, there’s got to be *something* special that your parents used to make. I can’t have a week of ‘home away from home’ themed dishes during our next jaunt to deep space if people don’t help me, and you’ve probably got something different than everyone else. I can’t tell you how many people are saying lasagna, or stew,” Iphie poked the redheaded Marine with a celery stick she was about to use as a garnish for a virgin bloody mary. “I won’t serve you any more drinks if you don’t, and furthermore, I will tell the next Marines here that you’ve spent the whole afternoon in here drinking Midori sours and fuzzy navels.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Kassandra sat bolt upright and stared at Iphie indignantly.

“I would. And I won’t let you smoke those cancer sticks in the Tribble anymore, even though you sit right next to the scrubbers,” Iphie gave Kassandra an innocent smile.

“Butter wouldn’t melt in yer mouth, ya blackmailer,” Kassandra glowered at the chef, who grinned with triumph. “But it really ain’t nothin’ that anyone’d actually want to eat, I mean, we’re kinda one-note, yanno? Quintotriticale everythin’. I guess the standard delicacy that everyone’s allus eatin’ on special occasions is quintotriticale loaf, usually served with vegetables an’ a gravy thickened with quintotriticale starch, and quintotriticale flour biscuit type things. Wanna know what it looks like? Grey gloop with brown gloop over it, n’ some green an’ orange shit floatin’ in it. Wanna know what it tastes like? Gloop. No one wants to eat that.”

“I can work with that. I bet you I can make that so delicious, everyone will want seconds. So, how do you make it?”

“Uhhhhh. Do I look like effin’ Betty Crocker to you?” Kass reached over to grab the pitcher of Midori sours that Iphie had made for her.

“Who?” Iphie had that look on her face which people got when they didn’t understand one of her folksy sayings.

“Nevermind. What in our history together makes you think I have any effin’ idea how to cook?” The pitcher was just out of her reach so Kassandra leaned in, only to have Iphie whisk the jug away.

“Nuh uh. Get me a recipe, or no more Midori sours-” Kass changed direction and began to reach down to grab some of the libations under the counter, as her sensor nets were picking up an aged bottle of- Iphie poked a spoon into the center of Kass’s forehead, preventing her from reaching behind. “Or anything else.”

“Aw, come on, can’t ya just look it up on the computer banks?” Kass glowered at the barkeep, who grinned back cheerfully.

“Because then it won’t be authentic! And it won’t be someone’s childhood meal, will it?” Iphie waved the spoon at Kassandra. “You have some frosting on your forehead, by the way. So, what’s it gonna be, are you going to get me a recipe, or am I going to cut you off- and before you try to be sneaky, I’ll tell Calvin and Hobbs not to serve you either.”

“Aw, come on. There’s only one person who’s gonna know, and that’s… My Mother,” Kassandra gave Iphie a pleading look.

“Kass’s mother? She has a mother? I thought she sprung forth from the ground fully formed, with a drink and a cigarette firmly in hand,” Eve said with a grin as she sat down next to Kass. “What’s got everyone talking of mothers?”

“Iphie says I’m going to be persona non grata unless I get her a recipe fer Quintotriticale loaf, an’ Momma Thytos is the only person who can furnish said recipe, only…”

“Only what? Oooh, I know that expression, Kassandra Thytos, you’re scared of your mother,” Eve said half jokingly. Kassandra shook herself and glared at Eve.

“I am not scared of my mother! It’s just, well, you don’t know her…” Kassandra downed the rest of her drink and frowned at it.

“Hmm, well, then why don’t you just call her up now?” Eve studied the Marine.

“Ta prove I’m not scared a’ her?? Fine. Gimme that PADD,” Kassandra glowered back at Eve, and began punching in instructions before propping the padd up against the salt cellars. The image of an older blonde woman, dressed in utilitarian work clothes in pale pink with a rose pattern on it, a frilly lavender apron, her hair piled high in a fashionable updo, and a full face of makeup. Eve glanced between the two, if it weren’t for the same deep blue eyes, she wouldn’t have thought there was any familial connection. “Hello Ma-”

“Goddess, who’s died? The twins-?” The woman flapped her hand in front of her face rapidly.

“What? Died? What the hell makes ya think *that*?” Kassandra eyed her mother suspiciously.

[[Well, considering it’s been at least four months since you called, and even then it was only because *Asta* was calling me, and you *happened* to be there, and I barely got a five minute check in after that giant battle on TERRA, so *forgive* me for assuming that someone would have to die for you to willing call me!]] The blonde woman raised an eyebrow archly, a smirk of triumph on her lips. Kass made a noise of disgust and threw her hands up in the air.

“Ah, fer fucksake, Ma. How long you been practicin’ that one to trot it out?” The Marine hunched her shoulders and glared at the screen.

[[And I see ya’ve also ignored my advice since we last spoke, ya still have that awful haircut. It’s a shame, yanno. You have the most beautiful hair when you just let it grow! You’ll never find a spouse if you don’t put some effort into your appearance, look at your eyes, they’re all pouchy, you really should get yourself a good moisturizer. Your not gettin’ any younger, and I just worry that you’re going to die alo-]]

“MA! Got people here, social graces, please! These are my friends Iphie and Eve-”

[[Nice to meet you both, I’m Alessandra Thytos, but y’all can call me Sandy.]] Kassandra’s mother smiled brightly at them and waved a perfectly manicured hand which was at odds with her work-a-day clothing. [[Look at you both, I see that my Kassandra’s lack of proper groomin’ and dress sense ain’t due to lack of role models-]]

“MA! Iphie wants to get a recipe from you for quintotriticale loaf, she’s doin’ some sorta comfort food thingie,”

[[A cook! Well, maybe she can teach you how to cook, Kassandra, since that’s yet another thing I tried to teach you that you rejected. Anyway, Iphie, my recipe for quintotriticale loaf-]] Sandy began to chatter at Iphie who began taking notes industriously.

“You see? *THIS* is why I don’t talk to my mother. Ain’t got nothin’ nice to say, just an endless stream a criticism. Change my hair my ass. I’m already dicey enough with what I got, hair’s just a useful handhold in a fight!” Kassandra captured the jug of Midori sours and poured herself another one with a baleful glower at the padd.

“I’m sure she just wants you to be happy-”

“No, what she wants are more grandchildren, and for me to be her brand a happy,” Kassandra said with a sigh. “But I’m happy jus’ the way I am, certainly happier than if I were to do what she wants, give up Starfleet an go back to staring at goddamn triticale all day! An she jus’ can’t accept that it is my plan never to set foot on that godforsaken-”

[[-And it’s as easy as that. I also have a stellar recipe for fried tribble cakes- Oh! They’re not made of tribbles, they’re made of-]]

“Triti-fuckin’-cale,” Kassandra said with an eye roll.

[[I heard that, Kassandra Urania Thytos! You watch yer language! Now, Iphie, you can make it for James T Kirk day, that’s coming up soon, and cover them with powdered sugar and maybe fill them with a bit of raspberry triticale syrup. Or better yet, get Kassandra to bring you here for James T Kirk day, and I’ll make you all the local specialities, I’m a baker, did Kassandra tell you that?]]

“Ma, I ain’t comin’ for James T Kirk day, I told ya. You n’ dad wanna meet somewhere in the middle, but-”

[[Hey, is that Kassie there? Kassie! You’re coming for James T Kirk day?]] A second face crammed itself into the viewscreen on the PADD, this time a redheaded man with a luxuriant mustache and hazel eyes, slight in build, and looking much more like the Marine.

“No, Da, I ain’t comin’ for Kirk day. Jeebus Crisco. I ain’t got time for that sh- that stuff. We’ll have a new mission comin’ up soon, somewhere far, far away.”

[[Are Y’ sure? Cos Valdyr is claimin’ he’s fixin’ ta break that record you set on the tribble-shoot, he reckons he’s been reliably gettin’ 76 in a minute… I’d hate to have ya ousted from the top spot after bein’ on it for nigh on thirty years…]]

“So what?” Kass felt her eyebrow twitch with the effort not to let her natural competitiveness show. “Bout time someone finally beat a record set by a teenager three decades ago.”

[[But yer father’s so proud of that record… And speakin’ of Valdyr, I think he’s got a little torch fer ya, always askin’ about ya, seemed very impressed bout all yer heroics at the battle of EARTH. You could do worse, you know, he’s a good farmer for a Klingon, and you aren’t exactly getting any younger, and at this point-]] Kassandra’s mother started.

“What’s that? Cap’n, I’m needed on the bridge? An emergency? Oh, alright, I’ll be up there right away. BYE.” Kassandra said, tapping her communicator, pretending to be listening to someone talking on the other side. She pushed back from the bar quickly, making a hasty retreat.

* * *=(/\)=* * *

Scene: Sickbay

“Ah, Major Thytos, and what injury brings you into my sickbay today? Another sprained ankle, a riveting case of punched in the face-itis?” Cade Foster looked up as the Marine entered the sickbay. He was bored.

No one was sick, the children from ACAMAR were all treated, fed, dewormed, and he’d yet to get the supply allocations for some experiments he’d been wanting to do, and anyway, the science lab was using up most of the ship’s energy allocations performing some sort of follow up on the Bramantine radiation. Today had been nothing but a parade of colds, a few minor abrasions, and a child with a nice sized aquarium rock stuck up their nose.

In short, there was nothing that was really worth his attention or his intellect, a frustratingly common occurrence, which was of course good for the crew, but left him feeling like an over-educated paperweight.

“Gotta boo-boo on mah ass, why donchya kiss it better?” Kassandra fired back before holding up her arm and wincing. “Slipped an’ pinched a nerve, donchya know?”

“Sit down. How did you manage to pinch it?” He could smell the faint waft of alcohol on her breath as he approached.

“Went through a door too quickly, didn’t wait to let my sensor nets scope it out, tripped over Smooshy, fell funny trying to make sure I didn’t turn Smooshy into Squish-y,” Kassandra explained, then sighed. “Okay, go ahead, you can gimme your lecture.”

“Lecture? Why would I lecture you about tripping over dogs?” Cade raised an eyebrow at the Major.

“Cos I was drinkin’, and you bein’ newly sober and all… Well, people tend to get pretty preachy when they get clean,” the woman looked stubbornly defiant.

“How do you know about that?” He’d thought that that particular bit of ships gossip had been contained, he didn’t like the idea of people talking about him behind his back.

“Takes someone who’s been there done that to know the look a someone who’s going through it. Don’t worry, it ain’t somethin’ people know. I jus’ remember you used to skulk ‘round the bar nearly as much as I did, even if you hid in a booth, an’ now you don’t, an all the times I’ve come in here, you ain’t had a trace of alcohol in yer blood, well I put two and two together, see?”

“And do *you* think you have a problem I should talk to you about?” Cade asked. It was a bit direct, but in his experience the Major preferred direct and no nonsense.

“Naw, I’m good. Ah drink too much, sure, but Ah’m always sober when Ah’m needed, which ain’t much, thankfully. But, uh, Ah’ve been where you are, there’s a lot of worse things Ah’ve been tryin’ to kick. So… You know. If you need someone ta talk to, or you need someone ta stop ya from doin’ something you’ll regret, you know where ta find me. No judgements. I’ve fallen off the wagon so many times in th’ past, I gotta set a stairs installed.”

“And how did you get past the rough patches?” Cade swallowed. “What keeps you clean?”

“Responsibility. I gotta whole lotta people here that rely on me, an’ I can let myself down, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let them down. But what pulled me outta the hole the last time was really responsibility t’ my kids. That’s even stronger than yer responsibilities t’ the world, when you got someone who relies on you completely, an’ who you could really fuck up if you don’t keep yerself together. Though, I guess the problem with that is, if you do fall off, you could really screw someone else up for life, so, I wouldn’t recommend it as yanno, a life strategy. But yeah, responsibility and duty, that’s what helped me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Major.” He ran a regenerator over the pinched nerve to reduce inflammation. “There you go, good as new. Or old.”

“Best you can hope for at my age. Take care of yourself Doc, and remember, I’m around if you need to talk, an I can even manage it not in the bar.” She waggled her fingers at him, and left.

* * *=(/\)=* * *

NRPG: Getting back into the swing of things, hope this finds everyone well, as always I'm around to help anyone who is having any trouble.

We should be getting started with a mission opener next week, courtesy of Jerome and yours truly, and this will be a good one for people who have been spinning their wheels to get back into gear!

Alix Fowler
Captain (Major) Kassandra Thytos


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