Moments

Posted on Dec 20, 2017 @ 12:05am by Captain Michael Turlogh Kane & Lieutenant Commander Aerdan Jos
Edited on on Dec 20, 2017 @ 12:06am

Mission: Fear Itself

"MOMENTS"

(Continued from "Left Unsaid")
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Captain's log, supplemental - with the phobophage banished back to its own dimension, the Phoenix has docked at Starbase 56. The crew that were stranded there are coming back aboard in their hundreds, and the ship is making ready for its next assignment. In the meantime, I must report to Admiral Stiles aboard the Starbase, and attend a memorial service for someone I had grown close to...

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Location: Starbase 56, edge of the Romulan Neutral Zone
Stardate: [2.17]1219.1910
Scene: Memorial chapel


The words had been said, the actions had been performed, and now the mourners for Ellie Kalani were saying goodbye to one another. She seemed to have been universally liked by the department heads of the Starbase, and by her colleagues in the enormous Engineering department. The service had been treated to a number of stories from her colleagues about how Ellie had made their lives better, or how she had said or done something to help them when they were down, and there was even a message from her father on Gault thanking everyone for their participation.

Kane sat at the rear of the chapel, struck by how little he actually knew her. He hadn't known her favourite food, hadn't known that she had kept an aquarium in her quarters, hadn't know that she had a brother and two sisters. They had spent so much time wrapped up in one another that they had not paused to ask deeper questions beyond the immediate ones.

Several of the Starbase's crew passed him by on their way out, nodding at his rank while probably who he was, but one of them, a stocky Hispanic man wearing the gold band of Operations and a lieutenant commander's rank pips, stopped in front of him. "Captain Kane? Hector Solorzano. People call me Heck. Maybe Ellie mentioned me?"

Kane reflexively put his hands behind his back. "Commander Solorzano," he said formally. "I'm afraid that if Commander Kalani referred to you I don't remember it."

Heck looked at the floor. "Oh. Well, she'll be missed. They say that you and her - that the two of you were - "

"That we were what?" bristled Kane.

Heck looked him meaningfully. "That you made each other happy for a moment." He stood to attention for a moment. "I've got to get back to work. Goodbye, Captain Kane."

Kane watched him go, the words hitting him hard. Solorzano was right. Ellie Kalani had made him happy, and he had tried to make her happy too, even though the moment was all too brief and ephemeral. He had tried to ignore the connection, telling himself that they hadn't really known one another for that long, but that was bullshit. Maybe he could still embrace Ellie Kalani, if only in his heart, and tell her what she had meant to him during the long hours of the night, before the phobophage had stolen in and taken her away.

The chapel was empty now. Only the silence remained, a monument to a life lived and lost. Alone, he allowed himself to feel sadness, and swallowed hard to prevent the tears.

[[Ops to Captain Kane.]]

The Starbase Ops officer. He touched his communicator. "Kane here."

[[Admiral Stiles will see you now.]]

"Understood." The moment passed, never to come again, and Michael Turlogh Kane went back out into the hubbub of the world.

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Location: USS Columbia, docked at Starbase 56
Scene: Guest Quarters, Deck 3


"God dammit!"

A fist hit the desk with a resounding thump, as the curse wavered in the recycled air.

Why?

Why now, why him, why there?

He looked back at the message on the screen and screwed his eyes shut, watching the afterimage burned into his retinas and swallowing the lump of unbidden bile that formed at the back of his throat.

"No. Not this again." He spoke to the dark and empty air, shaking his head while running a hand through graying and thinning hair. His chest felt tight, his shoulders tense, and he shook his head at the screen for a good three minutes.

Tears would not come. He wouldn't let them. Crying was beneath a man as proud as he was. No matter what frustration rose within his chest he would save tears for when they really mattered.

He opened his eyes and let the words sink in again, feeling heat rise up his throat and into his cheeks as his teeth clenched and grit together. He sucked a breath, listening to it hiss through his incisors and releasing it in a sigh.

There was one person he would be happy to see and a dozen more that would make his life miserable.

Cade Foster stood, staring at himself in the mirror. His hair, despite him running his hands through it, was still neatly combed. His stubble was freshly shaven off and his eyes lacked dark circles. He had been completely sober for eighteen months, and damn proud of it. A new beginning, away from people who automatically thought he was a monster for the perception of his past. He raised his chin upwards, his blue eyes boring back at him from the mirror as he clenched and unclenched his hands.

"No." He vowed to himself in a steady tone. "No drink." A promise, one he inwardly pleaded to some god he didn't believe in that he would be able to keep.

He sat back down at the console, even as he was en route to StarBase 56 and started to write up an appeal.

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Location: Starbase 56
Scene: Admiral's office


Andrea Stiles passed a glass of water across the table and motioned for Kane to take a seat opposite her. The bald black woman looked like she was snowed under with work - a veritable mountain of PADDs were piled haphazardly on her desk. Over her shoulder, through the viewing port, the Phoenix hung against the stars, the violet glow of her nacelles at a minimum as she remained at reduced power levels. There were other starships here too, of course - Admiral Stiles had been given the unenviable task of rebuilding Starfleet's Neutral Zone fleet, shattered three years ago when the Neo-Essentialists had provoked the Romulan invasion of 2429 - and those starships were docked here too, awaiting orders or undergoing maintenance.

Stiles remained standing while Kane sat down, something which put him on edge immediately. It was a psychological ploy he had often employed in his own ready room - standing up gives you subconscious control of the conversation, especially if the other party involved was junior in rank. Whatever Andrea Stiles had to tell him, he wasn't going to like it.

"I've dispatched your reports on the phobophage entity to Starfleet Science," sha said. "My condolences on the loss of your shipmates."

Kane inclined his head in gratitude. "And mine on the loss of Lieutenant Commander Kalani."

"Ellie will be missed," she said sincerely. "But life goes on. I've already assigned someone to succeed her in Engineering, and the Phoenix will need new crewmembers. Your losses from the Neo-Essentialist crisis have not been fully restored. Over the next few days, they will be." She indicated a PADD on the table. "All the details."

Somewhat gingerly, Kane acitvated the PADD and ran his eye down the list of names. When he saw it, he looked back up. "Not him, Admiral. Not him."

Stiles held up a hand, like she'd been expecting this. "Cade Foster has been cleared psychologically and medically. He's ready."

Kane jabbed a finger at the PADD's screen in anger. "I need a science officer, not another doctor."

"Cade Foster is the best surgeon in Starfleet. He knows the Phoenix. He knows the crew. He knows Aerdan Jos."

"He's unprofessional. He's insubordinate. Nobody likes him."

"He hasn't had a drink for eighteen months." Stiles turned to face him full-on. "Foster's a new man now. The best ships get the best people. That way, when they're ordered into the worst kind of danger, they have the best chance of making it out. Cade Foster is your new chief surgeon, Captain Kane, by order of Starfleet Command. Just accept it."

Kane slumped back into his seat. The anger of the moment passed. There was no getting out of it. On the one hand, no ship's captain in their right mind would turn down an officer of Cade's experience and skill, but on the other, Cade was very difficult to work with. Still, if Stiles was right about him being clean and sober now -

He got to his feet. "Is Doctor Foster aware of the transfer order?"

Stiles nodded. "Probably. I sent them to the Columbia last night."

"Permission to leave, Admiral," said Kane. There was only one man on the Phoenix he could send to meet with Cade, to smooth the path and maybe make some sense out of all this.

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Scene: Vastly Overcaffinated Raktajino Joint


"I didn't expect to find you here." A soft lisping voice broke the early morning silence in a tone that clearly was not surprised enough. Here must have been related to the raktajino shop in specific and not the Starbase in particular.

If Cade Foster was a jumpy man, Aerdan Jos would be wearing an entire large cup of hot raktajino. But one didn't become the best damn surgeon in Starfleet by having shaky hands or a jumpy disposition.

"I suppose they sent you here to collect me because I actually like you." The gruff response wafted back as he made an unconcerned wave towards the seat opposite him.

Aerdan paused for a moment, his antennae wilting downwards. Eighteen months and all he warranted was a wave towards an empty seat? He kept his expression carefully neutral.

"I was informed a little while ago... I was..." Excited to see you? Hopeful? Pleased to hear you were returning? "...looking for you." Typical Aerdan, where the words conveyed so little, but the pauses meant everything.

Cade looked up and slowly frowned. "Looking, huh?" A little voice inside of himself screamed at him to not fuck this up and alienate someone he cared about, but the frustration at his situation and the need for answers was overriding his better sense.

Oh, and the fact that he had been getting an average of three hours of sleep amidst tossing and turning coupled with his second large cup of Raktajino wasn't helping his decision making skills. Time to stick his foot in his mouth. Again.

"I don't suppose you engineered this bullshit?" He accused without stabbing a finger at the blue man across from him.

Aerdan sighed, his snowy brows knitting together. He was doing an admirable job of keeping his expression neutral, as opposed to his steadily sinking feeling he was getting. He had expected this conversation to go a lot better - stupid of him - he should have been more pessimistic. But his own stubborn optimism made Cade's words sting even harder.

"I don't engineer, Cade. And I don't have the sort of authority." He replied in sensible, even tones before giving a deep sigh. "We lost people, Cade."

"Starfleet always loses people." Foster spat back, shaking his head. "What makes this time any different?"

Aerdan looked up, fixing his blue eyes directly on the older man. "I don't know." He said plainly.

But I'm glad to have you back. It's what should have been said next, but wasn't. Instead two grown men ended up staring at one another across a coffee table, in silent awkwardness.

"I'm leaving." Cade said with a darkened finality to his tone, draining the second cup and getting ready to stand.

"Don't!" It was knee-jerk and honest. No taking it back.

Doctor Foster grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes. "What the hell do you care? It's not like we're lovers or anything. You're just a stupid blue-Klingon with relationship issues."

Silence.

Two jaws dropped.

Cade turned, desperately trying to hide the heat of utter shame that streaked across his face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry..."

"Maybe you should leave." Aerdan's words were sharp and fast.

And yet the opposite happened. Cade turned and slumped back into the chintzy booth, which let out a sad poof of air as his frame sunk downwards. He put his face in his hands, feeling his skin burning against his cool fingers.

"I don't want to go back." He admitted softly, in a tone that wavered between anger and despondency.

Aerdan's antennae dipped downwards, watching as Cade pulled his shoulders in towards his chest like a turtle pulling back into its shell. "I thought this was home." He said in a plaintive tone, confusion rolling in.

They hadn't talked much before Cade left and not at all after he was gone. The Andorian medic had assumed Cade left to tend and protect Thomas. Or at the very least to finish a medical mystery he had started working on years ago.

"Maybe for you." Another heavy sigh. "I'm too damn old and too damn tired to deal with those people anymore."

"What people? Our friends and fellow crew?"

His head lifted and he fixed his clear gaze on Aerdan with a terrifying clarity. "Honestly, do you consider any of them friends? Have you really connected with anyone."

Aerdan opened his mouth. No answer came out. He shut it before he sucked in a fly or looked too stupid.

"Thought so." Cade replied, taking no joy in his victory. Not this time, he had already fucked this conversation up more than he liked. "And that's with you having a pretty decent reputation. You're a decent doctor, you're a decent person, a little too stuffy and formal and polite, but shit, those are forgivable traits. Me? I'm the goddamn asshole on the ship. The biggest jerk of them all. And even when I'm not, doesn't matter because everyone sees you in the role you're cast in. They don't give a shit who you really are or why you have a different opinion than them. Hell, they'll even put words in my mouth because they all know who I am better than I do."

Snowy brows knitting, Aerdan leaned forward. He had heard this rant before, but the last few times it was shouted through a drunken haze. Hearing it in soft controlled tones and the clarity of sobriety was disarming.

"You're also the best doctor in the quadrant. You know the ship and you know the crew." Dr. Jos reasoned evenly.

"Who gives a fuck?"

"I do."

Both men lifted their gazes to meet, each one searching for something that was just out of the grasp of either. Why did it have to be the Phoenix? The Columbia was a nice ship, room enough for both of them on there. Or the Starbase. Or a hundred other ships.

"What are the hoops?" Cade questioned warily.

Progress. But not enough for Aerdan to be hopeful. "Captain Kane wants to speak with you."

"Of course he does. Just so he can tell me how much I suck and threaten me with all forms of discipline if I break X, Y, Z and A, B, C rules." Cade scoffed.

"Starfleet has rules for a reason and we both know them well enough." Aerdan countered, antennae twitching upwards to call Cade's bluff.

The older man sighed. "Fine. He'll just put words in my mouth like usual, and leave me feeling like slime. Someone that the crew needs to wash their hands after coming into contact with."

Aerdan stopped, perking one brow. The corresponding antennae slowly followed. There was a deep and painful note of truth to that which he wasn't expecting. Cade cared little about threats - real or imagined. He usually used the word to get someone riled up. But perception of him, especially perception of him as someone who was tainted, damaged, unclean...

The last time Aerdan had heard that undercurrent of pain was when Cade had confessed to him how much his alcoholism was tied to the very real physical pain of adapting to his artificial heart.

"It's been nearly two years." Aerdan offered like an olive branch extended. "People change."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"You won't know unless you talk to him." The Andorian countered.

Shit. He walked right into that and there was no backing out with his dignity intact. Point for the Andorian.

"Fine." Cade sighed heavily and then stabbed a finger at his companion. "You owe me a drink afterwards."

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Location: USS Phoenix, docked at Starbase 56
Scene: Airlock, Deck 19, drive section


Kane, waiting by the airlock, saw Aerdan and Cade coming. Even as he tensed himself for the coming confrontation, he saw Cade do the same. He cast a critical eye over the Security guard, some strip of a Human girl that looked she should still be in school somewhere - these kids were getting younger every year - and turned on his command face, squaring his shoulder and standing up straight.

Not that it worked. Cade Foster was three inches taller than Kane, and both of them were taller than Aerdan, who was in the lead. "Doctor Jos," he said in greeting. Aerdan was the right stuff - they'd been through a lot together in the past few years, and Kane was genuinely respectful of the Andorian. "I see you've accomplished your mission."

Aerdan's antennae were slowly curling up and down. "Yes. May I present - once again - Lieutenant Commander Cade Foster."

Kane eyeballed Cade.

Cade eyeballed Kane.

"Doctor Foster," said Kane formally. "I've received a transfer order from Starfleet Command, indicating that you are, once again, to be the Phoenix's chief surgeon and one of the assistant chief medical officers."

"That's why I'm here," replied Cade. "Reporting for duty, as it were. Permission to come aboard?"

Kane nodded. Formality had been observed. "Granted." Cade's expression seemed carefully ambivalent, but there was no hint of insubordination. Maybe Stiles was right, but if she was, it couldn't be confirmed by one meeting alone. "An officer of your experience will be a welcome addition to the crew, Doctor Foster, and there's also the advantage of needing to show you around." He raised an eyebrow in a deadpan fashion.

Aerdan and Cade shared a look. "Yes, Captain," said Cade neutrally. "I'll go to my quarters, get settled in, and report for duty."

The moment passed. Kane stood aside, and watched as Aerdan and Cade moved by him, heading toward the turbolift at the end of the corridor. He folded his arms in thought. Best to leave Cade alone for now, let him get on with things. He'd have Jake keep an eye on Medical for the next few weeks, check with Iphie to see if Cade really was off the sauce.

Either way, the Phoenix was almost ready for duty again. He thought about smiling, but then realised he had his own mountain of PADDs to read through. With a curt nod to the Crewman manning the airlock, he turned on his heel and got back to work.

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NRPG: Cade's back, and now that he is, we all get a second chance to play him correctly. You've all read Malin-Argo's profile, so you're familiar with writing a highly-assertive professional character who is not an asshole.

Cade is an acerbic jerk, but he's also a man who has endured a lot of pain and he's also a doctor. He has empathy for suffering people. He's not the ship's villain (that's Smooshy). He's a complex, multi-layered character, just like Kane, Jake, Von, Tomas', Jasmine, Eve, Aerdan and Kass. Let's do him justice this time around.

Stay tuned for our next story, coming very soon!

This has been a joint post between:

Jamie LeBlanc
Lt. Commander Aerdan Jos
Chief Medical Officer
USS Phoenix

and

Jerome McKee
the Soul of Captain Michael Turlogh Kane
Commanding Officer
USS PHOENIX


"He speaks an infinite deal of nothing!"
- Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice", Act 1, Scene 1.117

"Why do we fly? Because we have dreamt of it for so long that we must"
~Julian Beck


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