Place Setting For One, Part Two
Posted on Mar 23, 2017 @ 10:31pm by Commander Jacob Crichton & Ambassador Xana Bonviva
Edited on on Mar 23, 2017 @ 10:32pm
Mission: In Place of God
Place Setting For One, Part Two
(Continued from 'Place Setting For One, Part One')
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SCENE: Outside Xana Bonviva’s Temporary Quarters
TIME INDEX: After Susan’s “Don't Shoot The Messenger”
Jake Crichton leaned on the door chime, buzzing it again and again until the door finally opened. Xana stood there - she’d traded her formal wear for something more comfortable, and had pinned her hair up in a bun, but to Jake she still looked radiant - looking confused and angry.
“What?” she demanded “I’m not *deaf*, Jake.”
“We need to talk,” Jake said.
“That’s new,” Xana said. “Earlier I’d had said you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“That was before you started talking about our marriage with the crew,” said Jake.
Xana’s cheeks flushed a little. “Did Eve say something?”
“On the bridge,” Jake said. “In front of an entire duty shift.”
Xana closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, she shouldn’t have.”
“But it sounds like the one you want to chew out is her,” Xana continued. “So why aren’t you pounding on her door instead of mine?”
“I’ll get to her,” Jake said. “Right now, you and I need to talk.”
Xana frowned, but she stood back from the door. Jake went in, and as soon as the door had swished shut behind him, he whirled around.
“What the *hell* were you thinking?” he demanded.
“I didn’t want her to ambush you with it,” Xana started to say, but Jake wasn’t finished.
“I’ve been ExO of this ship for all of five minutes, and now you come aboard to gossip with the people who are supposed to be taking my orders! I’m not even sure I’m cut out for this job, and you’re undercutting my authority just by being on board!”
Xana crossed her arms. “It wasn’t my decision to have your ship ferry me to Bolarus.”
“But it was your decision to talk to Eve about us.”
“She’s the ship’s counselor,” Xana said. “Who else am I supposed to talk to about it? You? You’ve been avoiding me ever since I came aboard.”
“Why do you have to talk to *anyone* about it?” Jake asked.
Xana said nothing and opened up her hands as if to say “What else?”; and that was all it took for Jake to get going. She got an earful, and then some, about how she wasn’t supposed to be on board, being friendly with the crew was causing problems. She was a civilian, and a high ranking one at that, and that was causing confusion for crew evidently as to who to listen to. When he was done about that, the azure woman heard about previous fights that she thought they were done with.
It was really, very different from every other fight they had over the course of nearly 10 years. Usually it was Xana who did the shouting, stomping and raving while Jake patiently calmed her down or at the very least waited it out. Sitting on the sofa, Xana for the first time got a new perspective on everything as she watched throw around his hands as he started in on everything that frustrated him about her.
Xana said nothing during it, which was odd, because she always talked. She could talk about talking, she talked so much. This time she just sat there and listened. Jake and Xana had a shared emotional bond that grew when they were together and feeling impassioned.
But she also felt; she had tried not to; sometimes they could block each other’s emotions. Tonight that was impossible.
The azure woman sat on the sofa, shifted so that her legs were tucked under, and watched as Jake paced the quarters like a caged targ waiting to be freed. Finally, when Jake seemed to have wound down, or at the very least yelled himself hoarse. He stalked over to the replicator, got himself a drink and walked back over.
Raising an eyebrow, he stared at his wife as if daring her to say something, as he had some beer.
“Are you done?” Xana asked primly.
“I’m not the kids,” Jake snapped.
Xana glared at him. “I wouldn’t have taken half of this from them,” she pointed out. “I’m sorry that I made your life so damn difficult by coming on board. Let me back up. I’m so sorry I was still so stupidly in love with you and worried about you since you don’t TALK TO A DAMN PERSON.”
Jake glared at her. “That’s not true.”
“Which part? The part where I’m stupidly in love with you? Oh no, tesoro, you can’t control me.”
“I’ve known that for years,” Jake snapped.
“Oh you had your turn,” Xana replied back. Getting up she said, “And you don’t talk to people, that’s why I talked to Eve. Talking to people about the warp core and schedules does NOT count.”
Jake gave her a baleful look. “I talk more than about that.”
“Not real talking. You want to know why I’m talking to Eve about our marriage -- it’s because I knew you needed to and you wouldn’t,” she said. Looking at the man who was the love of her life, who saved her when she couldn’t even function properly, Xana shook her head. “Testa di cazzo,” she cursed. “I’ve signed the PADD. Sign the damn divorce decree.”
“Stop trying to order the universe, and everyone in it, around,” Jake yelled.
Xana glared. “Oh if I could do that, I would have had you remember you’re married years ago.” Holding up a hand she said, “I am tired of trying to fighting for us.”
“What does that mean?” Jake asked. “I always remembered we’re married.”
Xana glared at him. Grabbing his left hand to show him what she meant she said, “No this. Your ring came flying off as soon as you left for the SHERWOOD and it’s not been back on since.” She continued to hold it up and said, “Did you think I never noticed? That it didn’t hurt me?”
“What? This is about jewelry?” Jake asked.
Xana snapped, the fragile hold she had on her emotions gone, and tears streaming down her face and her voice ratcheting up as she still held his hand. “It’s not about jewelry. Did you sleep during our wedding? It’s the symbol of the promises we made to each other. But no you took that off and I never had a clue if you remembered that we were supposed to be there for better or worse. You actually went off when we had an infant, grade schooler and two other kids when we’re not sharing them with their other family and you left with barely a word. You are available when it’s convenient to *your* schedule. Did you think I had an easy job? No but I never even got a damn ‘thank you’. You don’t think you’re up for your job. Take mine, Jacob. Take having the kids in the hospital and people yell at you because something is right in some asinine negotiation. That happened when Benito was 2. Did I worry you about it? No, I damn well handled it. And there’s a thousand more times like that. I fucking made your life so you could be Executive Officer. So shut up, say ‘Thank you Xana’.”
“I was about to leave my career behind for you,” Jake said. “I was going to turn down the posting on the DISCOVERY, to spend more time-”
“That was before you shipped off *again* for another 2 years.”
“That’s not fair,” Jake said. “It wasn’t *my* choice.”
“You could have chosen to resign your commission,” Xana said. “You didn’t. And instead you got yourself - and me, and the kids - caught up in everything that came afterwards.”
“You are not going to stand there and blame me for all of that.”
“No,” Xana said, shaking her head. “And you know that isn’t what I mean.”
“Fine,” Jake said, throwing up his hands. “What *do* you mean?”
“I mean talk is cheap, Jake,” Xana said. “I’m getting sick of hearing about how you wish we could find a way to work things out, about how much you love me and the children, and then watching you pack up for another voyage that’s going to take you thousands of lightyears away from us. You’ve had plenty of opportunities to put us first, and you *never* do. It’s *always* about your career first. Oh, you’re happy enough to have us along, nevermind that I’m going stir-crazy cooped in our quarters with nothing to do, just as long as you get to come home to that perfect family life you always imagined for yourself.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“Gods, you sound like Dahlia,” Xana said, rolling her eyes. “‘That’s not fair, that’s not fair’. You’re well past old enough to know the universe isn’t fair, Jake, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true.”
Jake wanted to press the argument, to come off the ropes and hit back - “It’s always about what *I’m* willing to give up, never about what *you* will give up” nearly tumbled out of his mouth - but seeing the tears shining on Xana’s cheeks took what was left of the fight out of him. His eyes dropped, and he sighed.
Xana was right, of course. As much as Jake had lied to himself, told himself he could be the kind of father his own father never was, and *also* have the kind of career he wanted, the truth had always been waiting for him back at home. The truth was place settings for one on the dining room table. The truth was his side of the marriage bed, so seldom used. The truth was his wife’s tears, and how all the reassurances in the galaxy could do little to stem their flow when, inevitably, Jake left *again*, chose his career over his wife and children *again*, because it was what he really wanted.
Jake realized how selfish he was being, even now, by holding off on signing the divorce papers. The divorce had been his idea - it had *felt* like it belonged to both of them, in the moment, but Jake knew sooner or later he would have broached the idea on his own even if Xana hadn’t agreed - but now, after his wife had once again given way to his demands, had once again made the sacrifices necessary so Jake could have the life he wanted, here Jake was dragging his feet.
And tearing out his wife’s heart in the process.
“Okay,” Jake said quietly. “Okay.”
“I am sick of hearing that word,” Xana said, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her palms. “I’m *not* okay, Jake. Frankly, I’m spinning out here.”
Jake wanted to reassure her, but he felt that to do so know might only make the pain worse. To offer a loving word, a tender touch, now, in this moment, might feel like just one last twist of the knife. After all, he realized, he wasn’t going to leave Starfleet for her. As much as he’d promised and bargained and cajoled, as much as he’d lied to himself as well as to Xana and the kids, there was no Jake Crichton without Starfleet. Maybe there could be, and maybe that person was someone Xana and the children could love, but Jake would never recognize that person in the mirror.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” he said. “Just… please, don’t talk about us to the crew. I’m asking you.”
Xana looked at him, her expression incredulous. “Yes. Fine. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“Okay.” The tears were still shining on Xana’s cheeks, and the image was twisting Jake’s stomach into knots, so he looked away. “I should go.”
=[/\]=
NRPG: Dedicated to Jerome, whom we all know has a special love for family drama and posts that feature the pug. ;-)
Apologies for any formatting errors, I finalized this post and sent it on my phone and that may have mucked things up a bit.
A Joint Post by…
Sarah Albertini-Bond
Xana Bonviva
And
Shawn Putnam
a.k.a.
Jake Crichton
Executive Officer
USS PHOENIX
