Iron Chef Starfleet
Posted on Dec 19, 2016 @ 8:36am by Iphigenia Bonviva
Edited on on Dec 19, 2016 @ 8:38am
Mission: Aftermath
“Iron Chef Starfleet”
=/\=
Location: EARTH
Scene: San Francisco - SF HQ
SD [2.16] 1219.0043
Lt. Commander James Martin had the thankless task of sorting out civilian personnel for the ships of the fleet. It should not have taken this long but there was an art here that most did not appreciate.
**Civilians,** he mused to himself, **if they wanted to serve why not go into the Fleet?**
But still he played chess with their talents moving this person to that ship, and the next person to that station. Swap a bartender there for a doctor there; a teacher for that station for a flight deck grunt. It wasn’t just based upon his say so; of course these things went before before Steering Boards for review but most of the time it was a formality.
Nobody threw up a fuss over a civvie.
He was done with this latest round of civilian assignments and was writing up his report when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.
Applicant: Doe, John
Previous Experience: USS PHOENIX
It was too bland of a name that at first James must have ignored it but now it caught his eye with the PHOENIX being on everyone’s lips
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” James muttered as he slapped the application.
For the first time in years, James Martin had missed a civvie application and one from the PHOENIX. Looking at the civilian positions he had already sent out to the workforce across the galaxy he knew what was going to happen as he wrote up the report.
TO: SF HQ - OPERATIONS
FROM: JAMES MARTIN, LT CMDR
SUBJECT: CIVILIAN RE-DEPLOYMENT
Key civilian deployment was missed by previous proprietor of the establishment on the USS PHOENIX. Civilian known as John Doe had reapplied for application but his application was missed by this department. All other civilian positions have been assigned but not all civilians have reported in yet. Standing by for orders. --JM
The answer was swift and brutal.
TO: JAMES MARTIN, LT CMDR
FROM: SF HQ - OPERATIONS
SUBJECT: RE: CIVILIAN RE-DEPLOYMENT
Recall all possible civilians to LUNA. In the interim, review and determine all possible candidates. Do not miss any more applicants -- be ready to redeploy by 1600 in two days.
James sat back in his chair and gave the order to recall all civilians. “This is going to suck,” he said to no one in particular.
=/\=
Location: GATEWAY STATION - 2
Scene: Docking Ring
[[ALL THOSE DEPARTING FOR USS SMITH please proceed to E-4. Again all those to USS SMITH go to E-4.]]
Iphie Bonviva pushed over her anti-grav cart loaded up with her bags. Years living on the GATEWAY meant she had accumulated more crap than she anticipated moving.
The Arcadian Ops officer standing at the docking ring stifled a yawn as she looked over a PADD. “Name?”
“Iphie Bonviva,” the chef stated as she watched nervously over the pile of bags. “I uh have One One Zero and Zero Zero One with me too.”
Iphie could hear the frowns in the voices behind her. “You have that--”
“--backwards, Iphie.”
“Dudes, seriously, let’s not start this again,” the azure chef hissed to the Bynares who were behind her. Turning around she looked at the doll-like Ops officer. “So we’re good to go?”
“No.”
There was a long moment of silence where the Arcadian stared at the Bolian/Human chef who just stared back, with neither blinking. While Iphie would have thought being the youngest in a loud, pushy family would have given her the advantage clearly she hadn’t to face off against a placid Ops Officer.
“Ok I’m getting old here. That’s it?” Iphie finally asked.
“Yes.”
Iphie thought about that for a minute before realizing something, “I’m probably on your handy-dandy list as Iphigenia Bonviva.”
The Ops Officer did another perusal. “There are no Bonvivas listed on here.”
“And while under any other circumstances that would be a boon for your ship, this time it’s not,” Iphie explained. “What the frak are you going to do for a chef and bartender?”
“Not your concern,” the Ops Officer said. Flipping around the PADD in his delicate hands he said, “All civilians have been recalled to LUNA. We are going to the Delta Quadrant.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Iphie exhaled. “Dude, I was ready to go to the Delta and now I’m being recalled to LUNA? Why?”
The Arcadian blinked at that as he turned back around his PADD. “There is a shuttle leaving for BAJOR. That is on...another level.” When Iphie just stared at him, the Ops Officer clarified, “You’ll be closer to LUNA, maybe catch another transport…?”
“Thanks,” Iphie grinned.
“It’s on M-26,” the Arcadian Ops Officer called out after Iphie.
“This is going to suck,” Iphie sighed as she began to sprint through the GATEWAY as Calvin and Hobbes began to run after her.
=/\=
Location: LUNA
Scene: SF OPS Center -> HD 4
TI: A day and half later
John Doe sat in the Ops Center and watched the other civilian contractors and employees of Starfleet come and go. Most of them he easily classified and dismissed as not someone he’d have to worry about; they were doctors, engineers or other cogs of the ship life. Necessary but not a reason to be concerned.
Then suddenly he realized there were a few who were to be concerned about. A small Bajoran man with a silver earring on his right ear; and finally a tall blue woman in a black leather jacket and a long blonde ponytail to be of a blend of backgrounds followed by a pair of Bynares. They all nodded to each other but otherwise kept to themselves.
John suddenly knew who were the chefs and bartenders were.
Lt. James Martin came in and said, “Alright then if you would all follow me.”
They all dutifully followed Martin down the corridors to a holodeck that he tapped some codes into. When they walked inside it had been transformed a stadium with multiple levels. In the center of the stadium was a circular kitchen that was divided into three portions, with each portion given the same tools in each section.
In the front of the room there was a large black table that was covered and above that a large table with 3 Starfleet Admirals peering down on everything.
Lt. Cmdr. Martin stood above the black table. “Today we are here to assign you to your ships or stations. But to make this fair, we are giving you all a test, one of the oldest tests on EARTH. You will have one hour to make 3 dishes for each of the 3 judges. From those dishes, the judges will determine where you will be stationed.”
John Doe gave a look. “This is new.”
“It’s the new Starfleet,” Lt. Cmdr. Martin smiled. “But first we need to know what you’re making...we need to know the only fresh ingredient, after that everything else you use will be replicated...the secret ingredient.”
With that the large black top of the table lifted up to show large piles of mostly orange, but occasionally purple, red, white and black root vegetables.
“Welcome to BATTLE CARROT!”
“Yes, that strikes fear into the enemy,” Iphie muttered. Then she watched the Bajoran start to grab bunches of carrots. “We only have an hour,” he hissed.
“Crap, we only have an hour,” Iphie realized belatedly as she started to grab carrots.
Iphie went running back to her station, vaguely aware that both John Doe and the other chef went to their stations and now had sous chefs. For her part she used Calvin and Hobbes as her sous chefs. “Ok, Calvin go find the rest of the ingredients. I need white chocolate, beets, brown sugar, flour, passion fruit.” Turning to Hobbes she said, “Find me an mixer and a Vulcan sous vide machine and several pans.”
Meanwhile in another kitchen John Doe began organizing his kitchen, “I will need milk, pineapple, flour, onions--”
Finally in the third kitchen the Bajoran chef began pulling out every juicer.
Lt. Cmdr. Martin sat at a tall stand and watched the clock tick down, and furrorwed his brow hoping this experiment would work.
=/\=
TI: One hour later
“Chef Teagan you will present first.”
The Bajoran came up first to the “Chef’s” table (also known as the Admiral’s table).
“Right,” he began, “here I have a carrot juice with mint.”
The Admirals nodded, sipped and took notes. Carrot juice was to be expected. Once the dishes were cleared Teagan smiled and said, “This is carrot apple juice.”
The Admirals said nothing but sipped the juice and made more notes, not quite finishing the juice as enthusiastically. After those glasses were finished, Teagan waited for a nod before saying, “Ok for my third attempt I did a carrot ginger juice.”
The Andorian Admiral looked over. “Did you only make carrot juices?”
Teagan blinked. “Well...I’m a bartender. It’s all I know how to do.”
All three Admirals swiveled their heads at the same time to Lt. Cmdr. Martin. “Right,” the Ops Officer said. Waving Bartender Teagan aside he said, “Don’t worry we have an assignment for you. Right, Chef Bonviva, you’re next.”
Iphie went running up to the Chef’s table motioning for Calvin and Hobbes to follow her. The Bynares began to pass out the first dish which was a...drink. Smiling she said, “Well, my first offering is a cocktail.” As the Admirals gave a wary glance at her she explained, “I made a “carrot caviar” and the cocktail is a blend of replicated Grand Marnier, Cream of Ginger, and Vodka.”
The Admirals appreciated the synth, or at least as one Admiral whispered, “At least it’s not carrot juice.”
“Now with that we have our appetizer of carrot and ricotta gnocchi in a basil drizzle,” Iphie explained as Hobbes finished the plating.
The Admirals made no other verbal comments of liking or disliking the food, but asked a few questions about the types of carrots and other ingredients. Finally Iphie signaled for Calvin to clean up and for Hobbes to serve the main course. “Now we have short ribs that have been immersed with carrots and served with honey glazed carrots.”
More questions came on how Iphie was able to serve short ribs so quickly (and she did her best to not say “sous vide with a Vulcan immerser baby - learn it and love it”).
Finally Iphie served her dessert which she was proud of: “Chocolate carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.”
Long ago in culinary school she learned that the most difficult thing to make was the complicated things but the most simple things. Because everyone in the galaxy appreciated that Bajoran latke pudding was damn hard or that Baked Alaska was a pain in the rear. But if you said “Chocolate Carrot Cake” it meant something different to everyone and everyone was convinced their version was right. The best dessert was taking something simple, that everyone knew, and making the recipient feel as if they wanted it all along.
“Thank you, Chef Bonviva,” Lt. Cmdr. Martin smiled. “Chef Doe, your turn.
The devil incarnate, who was very proud of his abilities, turned to his new sous chefs and began to explain as each dish came out. “First,” he explained smoothly, “I wanted to do something simple. A deli carrot salad with pancetta and pineapple as your appetizer.”
The Admirals about fell over themselves about how the carrot salad tasted differently depending upon how you ate (“it’s a different salad with the pineapple then with the pancetta!”) leaving John Doe smiling with pride.
The dishes were cleared away and main course came out, “Carrots served “osso buco style” with rice and peas.” John Doe then explained how he marinated the carrots to get the right level of tenderness, hollowed them out, inserted a foamy center to create a “marrow”; to complement the dish he served it basmati rice and peas.
The Admirals were beyond themselves writing notes on their PADDs but it was clear they were impressed.
Finally the dessert and drink came. John Doe opted to do a “deconstructed” carrot cake -- a beignet that was carrot flavored and a carrot flavored martini.
As the Admirals finished up, Lt. Cmdr. Martin came over. “Thank you, chefs. The Admirals will confer and we will let you know the decision shortly.”
=/\=
Scene: Waiting Room
TI: Twenty Minutes Later
Calvin and Hobbes were fighting, and Iphie was tired of telling them to be quiet. John Doe looked over at them and then at Iphie with an inquiring look. “Sorry,” Iphie sighed. “They’re always like that.”
“I’ve heard worse,” John explained. Looking back over at the Bynares and then at Iphie he asked, “What are they fighting about?”
Iphie listened for a second and then said, “I think the plating.”
“You understand binary?”
“No,” Iphie replied shaking her head. “I know them.” Shrugging her shoulders, “Hells they could be fighting about the weather for all I know.”
John leaned back in his chair, “I doubt that.” Looking around he said, “Do you have a preference of where you’d go?”
Iphie shrugged. “Not really. You?”
John thought about it. “I’d like my old assignment.” Shrugging his shoulders he said, “Good ship, got to know the crew.”
Iphie was going to ask something when the doors *swooshed* open and Lt. Cmdr. Martin walked in. “Well good news, we have assignments.” Turning to John Doe he said, “Chef Doe, you won our little contest and as a result your services have been requested by Commodore Marks for his next assignment which means you should report to the USS JANEQUEO. That means Chef Bonviva you’re in second place and you’ll be going to the USS PHOENIX.”
John Doe gave a look. “Excuse me, but as first place, shouldn’t I be able to request where I go?”
Lt. Cmdr. Martin gave a look. “It’s Starfleet.”
=/\=
Location: USS PHOENIX
Scene: Transporter Room -> Corridor
Iphie and the Bynares shimmered into solidness in the Transporter Room and noticed that only a couple of her bags were with her. “Dudette, where’s the rest of my stuff?”
“You were supposed to bring only essential items,” the woman on duty at the transporter explained.
Iphie sighed as she shifted the sunglasses further up her nose as she counted her bags. “My hat bag was totally necessary as were my shoes,” she explained. Hefting up the rest of her bags over each shoulder she carefully hand-carried a silver briefcase. “Let’s roll,” she told the Bynares.
“Bynares do not--”
“--roll exactly.”
“Whatevs,” Iphie sighed as she waved to the transporter chief who was mystified by the new arrival.
Captain Michael Kane was walking down the corridor when he heard the rapid chatter of Federation Standard interrupted occasionally by binary. This, in of itself, was not unusual; what was that the conversation was it was about...liquor? And carrots?
Stopping at the end of the corridor, he waited and watched. Suddenly the voices turned a corner and he did see two Bynares dressed in silver and purple tunics with black pants. In the center was a tall blue woman with blonde and purple hair in pigtails. She had on decidedly non-regulation clothing (in this case jeans and a t-shirt that read “Cleverly Disguised As An Adult” and topped off the outfit with dark sunglasses). While she was carrying a lot of baggage (literally) he did recognize the silver case in her hands as being something that someone in the culinary profession would carry, which confused him, since they had John Doe.
“May I be of assistance?” Captain Kane asked as he blocked the trio’s path before they could go any further.
The Bynares looked at each other and began speaking very low in binary. The woman in the middle took this very literally as she took off her sunglasses and asked, “Four pips, solid. I should know this--”
Kane bit back a sigh. “Captain--”
At the same time she perked up. “Dude! I know this, you’re Kane!”
There had been many things Michael Turlogh Kane had been called; it was safe to say “Dude” was not one of them. Or at least not to his face. The eyebrows may have made it all the way to his hairline. He gave an icy stare that had done many other mortals as he said, “You may call me Captain Kane, Captain, or Sir. Not Dude.”
Iphie Bonviva was cheerfully oblivious to Captain Kane’s attempts at formality. “Is that safe? I mean the wrinkles alone,” she said observing the eyebrows going up. “Oh craptacular, I’ve got to present myself.” Suddenly she carefully put down her silver case, straightened up and began flinging her bags backwards towards the Bynares who caught them easily.
Kane wasn’t sure what to think of the woman in front of him but the Bynares were impressive as they caught all the bags easily.
The woman dug through her pockets and came out PADD. “Here are my credentials to serve aboard the USS PHOENIX and the VULGAR TRIBBLE.”
“I see,” Kane said as took the PADD and read through it, his eyebrows lowering. “Well Chef Bonviva--”
“Please call me Iphie,” the woman grinned. “Everyone else does.”
As Kane continued to peruse the PADD she blurted, “I met John Doe.” When Kane looked at her she said, “He’s better at everything than me.” Shrugging she admitted, “We just had a Starfleet battle over it. But I hope...I hope it’s not too much of a let down for you all.”
Taking her bags back she smiled, “But there’s nowhere to go but up, right?” As Kane gave her a look she said, “Not the first time I’ve had to do it and won’t be the last time.”
“Do what now?” Kane asked.
“Prove myself,” Iphie said sincerely. After a beat she picked up her items from the Bynares and the ground. “Thanks for accepting my credentials,” she called out with a smile as she walked away.
Kane held onto the PADD as watched the trio walk away. “I didn’t officially accept this,” he pointed out.
“You didn’t *not* accept them,” Iphie yelled back over her shoulder as she continued her walk corridor. Turning around to walk backwards she yelled, “Homie? You cool with that?”
“Captain,” he repeated with a glare.
“Captain Homie - got it!”
Captain Kane missed John Doe already.
=/\=
NRPG: Iphie is aboard! Feel free to come by for a drink or something to eat. Eventually she’ll stop roaming the halls :)
Jerome: Hope that works for you. If John Doe should come back I’m happy to write him leaving the USS JANEQUEO to come back; I wasn’t sure about the need for multiple people serving the Vulgar Tribble.
=/\=
Sarah Albertini-Bond
~writing for ~
Iphie Bonviva
Chef/Bartender